"I guess I have a lot of problems, so many that I don't have time to go into them all in detail. Suffice it to say I'm anal, obsessive, vain, quick to temper, overly introspective, lazy, judgmental, insecure, and self-righteous. Probably the most annoying thing about me is that I'm hugely opinionated. But I kind of make up for that by always being right."

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Day 57: I'm An Idiot

I think there's something wrong with my brain. I'll have my Tai Chi instructor show me a certain move over and over again, and I'll do it in class until I think I know it, then I'll go home and be completely lost. The same thing happens to me with yoga. And it's very frustrating. I'm constantly having to fight this "Ah, fuck it!" impulse, and to ignore those slutty sirens of surrender, who never stop beckoning me homeward, to the sweet bosom of stagnation and complacency.

As I see it, there are three major obstacles standing in the way of my mastering these time-honored, exasperating arts. The first is that I'm old. Not only can you not teach this dog new tricks, you can just barely keep him from humping your leg every time he sees you. Secondly, I'm a man. Men don't like to look bad at anything. This is the main reason we prefer making love with the lights out. And lastly, I'm an asshole. And assholes can't stand not feeling sure of themselves. They also hate taking orders. Unless they're making love with a beautiful woman in a very dark room.

Nobody said this project would be easy. I realize that. But I wish somebody would have at least warned me that one of the hardest parts of it was going to be looking and feeling like a complete idiot.