"I guess I have a lot of problems, so many that I don't have time to go into them all in detail. Suffice it to say I'm anal, obsessive, vain, quick to temper, overly introspective, lazy, judgmental, insecure, and self-righteous. Probably the most annoying thing about me is that I'm hugely opinionated. But I kind of make up for that by always being right."

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Day 43: Oops

It started five days ago. I was watching the movie "Just Like Heaven" and began to get depressed. And not just because Reese Witherspoon was in it. By the end of the movie I was crying, partially because romantic comedies always pull at my heartstrings, and partially because I yearn so desperately for romance in my own life. I can't tell you how much I miss being in love -- how much I want to hold a woman, to kiss her, to cuddle up and talk all night. I quite literally ache for these things.

It's interesting that my two favorite genres of movies are horror and romance, because I've done such a good job of combining these two elements in my real life. And that's the problem, really. It's not that I couldn't get a woman -- well, okay, it's partially that -- it's that I'd eventually drive her away once I did. That dark brooding thing may be attractive at first, but apparently it gets old really fast.

So, anyway, that's how it started -- a little lonely desperation mixed with a three year backup of precious bodily fluids. I added a dash of self-pity and was off to the races. By the next morning this seed of unhappiness had flowered into a full blown depression. Why did I need to lose weight? I was never going to be with a woman again anyway. Besides, eating was the high point of my day. I was depriving myself of the one thing I had to look forward to. And the meditation/yoga thing was a bust. I'm about as spiritual as a corn dog (hmmm... corn dogs).

So I filled a bowl with cookies 'n cream ice cream, covered it in a sea of Hershey's chocolate sauce, and dove in. Before I had a chance to actually appreciate the experience, I found myself licking the bottom of the bowl. This set off a five day binge of shame and debauchery that I'll go into some other time.

Suffice to say that the program bent, but it didn't break. Not only am I back, but I came back so much sooner than I've ever come back before. And I actually learned something from the experience this time -- something that's never really dawned on me before.

I'm totally fucked.