"I guess I have a lot of problems, so many that I don't have time to go into them all in detail. Suffice it to say I'm anal, obsessive, vain, quick to temper, overly introspective, lazy, judgmental, insecure, and self-righteous. Probably the most annoying thing about me is that I'm hugely opinionated. But I kind of make up for that by always being right."

Sunday, July 09, 2006

Day 34: Training Day

Had my first personal training session today. Learned that I not only know absolutely nothing about my body, but that I naturally do everything wrong. Lately, for example, when doing my daily walk, my shins have been killing me. My trainer said this is because I walk wrong. What?! Who the fuck doesn't know how to walk? Well, apparently me.

Instead of taking large strides, in which you straighten your front leg and land on the back of your heel, you're supposed to take smaller steps and land on the "front" of your heel. Sounds goofy, I know, but I tried it and it actually works. (The secret is to lean forward slightly when you walk, exactly as you do, naturally, when you run.)

Not only do I walk wrong, I actually stand wrong. Turns out I even breath wrong. I've also let my "core" muscles go to shit by doing most everything using just my arms and legs. The reason I can't play tennis, for example, is that I don't put my entire body into my swing, so my right arm does all the work and gets tired very quickly. I also have less power in my swing that way.

I'm such a loser. If my trainer saw me masturbate, I'm sure she'd say I do that wrong too. (My ultimate goal now is to one day be able to pleasure myself using the force of my entire body, and not just my wrist.) My God, then I really would be happy.