"I guess I have a lot of problems, so many that I don't have time to go into them all in detail. Suffice it to say I'm anal, obsessive, vain, quick to temper, overly introspective, lazy, judgmental, insecure, and self-righteous. Probably the most annoying thing about me is that I'm hugely opinionated. But I kind of make up for that by always being right."

Saturday, July 08, 2006

Day 33: A Silver Lining

I went to see my nutritionist today and was very disappointed at my weight loss. In three weeks I'd only dropped five pounds. I guess this is good compared to a lot of her other clients, but because I'd already lost five pounds in just the first week on my new "diet," it was really disheartening. What made it even more painful is that I didn't cheat. I did everything by the book. I'd even taken a big dump before going in to be weighed!

In the three weeks before I started seeing my nutritionist I stopped eating fast food and desserts, and went from 265 to 258. After the first week of monitored dieting I went from 258 to 253. Three weeks later I'm only down to 248. At this rate I won't get down to my goal weight of 200-210 lbs. until early next year - months after this project is over.

There is a silver lining behind this cloud, though, -- I'm not giving up. In the past I would have seen this slow progress and thought, "Fuck it. It's not worth the sacrifice. So what if I'm overweight? I'm not getting laid, anyway. And besides my boys, eating is the only thing I've got that makes me happy, even if it's just for a little while."

The only way I can plow through these feelings is by making this (happiness) project the focal point of my life. This is my job now. This is what I do. It's easy to see how a lot people -- with the pressures of work and relationships -- would just give up and turn to food for comfort. It says a lot about how far I've come that "turning to food" right now would depress the hell out of me.