"I guess I have a lot of problems, so many that I don't have time to go into them all in detail. Suffice it to say I'm anal, obsessive, vain, quick to temper, overly introspective, lazy, judgmental, insecure, and self-righteous. Probably the most annoying thing about me is that I'm hugely opinionated. But I kind of make up for that by always being right."

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Day 30: The Honeymoon's Over

Looking back over the first month of the project, I feel oddly inspired. I'm not as optimistic as I was that first week, but then again I'm not as pessimistic as I was later on. In fact, I think it was that initial "honeymoon" period that set me up for the fall I took toward the end there. (On a similar note, maybe it's not such a great idea for couples to go on their honeymoons right after they get married. Maybe they should wait about a year to let the reality of married life sink in. That way they could reward themselves for a job well done, and maybe even reconnect to a time when they didn't want to kill each other.) Really, why start anything out with a feeling or experience that can never be duplicated, let alone topped? Nothing worse than thinking that it's all down hill from here.

Anyway, I think I have a realistic view, now, of where I am and where I'm going. I'm in Fuckville, on my way to Okaytown, hoping to eventually wind up in Happyland.

Switching metaphors, in the beginning I simply bit off more than I could chew. I managed to swallow diet, nutrition, walking and keeping a diary. But yoga, exercise, meditation, Tai Chi, dance, and getting my shit together wound up on the side of my plate, all half-chewed and matted together in a big ugly ball.

The secret, it seems to me, is to keep taking these small bites until I can get it all down. At the risk of stretching this metaphor even thinner, I have to admit I'm not sure about meditation. It tastes like sweaty socks and has huge veins of gristle running through it.

Okay, I'm done.