"I guess I have a lot of problems, so many that I don't have time to go into them all in detail. Suffice it to say I'm anal, obsessive, vain, quick to temper, overly introspective, lazy, judgmental, insecure, and self-righteous. Probably the most annoying thing about me is that I'm hugely opinionated. But I kind of make up for that by always being right."


Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Day Two: Reality Sets In

As the project gets under way, I find my initial enthusiasm waning in light of some depressing realities that have been thrust upon me. In looking over some of the footage for a documentary that's being shot of my journey, I can see that I am fat, bald and ugly. I had been living under the delusion that I was simply stocky, thinning and interesting looking. But the camera, bastard that he is, doesn't lie.

At one point the camera was following me up a hiking trail. A gust of wind hit me, and what little hair I do have on top of my head lifted up like the tab on a beer can. For a frightening moment I looked like some gigantic, grotesque cockatoo.

It's also clear from the footage that I'm annoying. I talk a mile a minute, and appear to find myself terribly amusing, even when I'm not. I had been living under the delusion that I was engaging and quick-witted. But the microphone, bitch that she is, doesn't lie either.

At first I thought, "How successful could a documentary by an annoying, fat, bald, ugly man be?" But then two glorious words came to mind: "Michael Moore!"