"I guess I have a lot of problems, so many that I don't have time to go into them all in detail. Suffice it to say I'm anal, obsessive, vain, quick to temper, overly introspective, lazy, judgmental, insecure, and self-righteous. Probably the most annoying thing about me is that I'm hugely opinionated. But I kind of make up for that by always being right."


Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Day Eight: Rational Spiritualism

I recently realized that who I am doesn't work. That this whole caustic, cynical, overly-analytical thing forms a kind of wall around me that happiness cannot penetrate. Maybe there's another way to look at the "nature of things" that's both commonsensical (if that's not a word, it should be) and spiritual.

If a man were to rush into a burning building to save someone he doesn't know, a cynic -- such as myself -- might say that he did so to avoid the guilt of not doing so, or to receive accolades for being a hero. A spiritual person might say that he did so because people are good at heart -- that he was responding to the call of humanity.

The truth, as it always does, probably lies somewhere in the middle. Which is why I'm starting the "rational spiritualism" movement. By the way, if someone has already started this movement, fuck 'em, I'm denouncing them and starting my whole new radical branch.

For example, rational spiritualists (or, "rats" as we call ourselves) believe that though it is obvious mimes and vegans deserve to be killed, they should be allowed to live out their full and natural lives. As long as they're not allowed to reproduce, of course. As Jesus, the illegitimate son of a non-existent entity, once said, "Is not the leper my ugly, disgusting brother?"

PS: I don't want to say that vegans are pussies, but I just spell-checked this piece and they suggested I replace the word "vegans" with "vaginas." Maybe there is a God after all.