"I guess I have a lot of problems, so many that I don't have time to go into them all in detail. Suffice it to say I'm anal, obsessive, vain, quick to temper, overly introspective, lazy, judgmental, insecure, and self-righteous. Probably the most annoying thing about me is that I'm hugely opinionated. But I kind of make up for that by always being right."

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Day 24: All Roads Lead To 'A'

It's my belief that the creators and writers of the TV show "Lost" never thought it would last more than a year, so they never bothered planning the series that far in advance. Like its enigmatic predecessor, "Twin Peaks," it seems -- at least to the average viewer, like me -- that each episode was written with little regard to what had come before and almost no regard to what would come next. It's a mess. But an entertaining and engaging mess.

One installment in particular this past season confused and frustrated the hell out of me. It was one of those clever "special" episodes where they kept jumping back and forth in time, so you could see the dramatic consequences of certain actions before seeing the events that set those actions into motion. I hated it because I just couldn't follow the damned thing. What surprised me, though, is that my 13 and 15 year old sons had absolutely no trouble following it. In fact, they wound up explaining to me what was going on as we sat and watched.

For me, this was yet another example of the overly linear way in which my brain works. I can get from A to B, and from B to C, and from C to D. But if you start with D and move to B, I'm totally confused. Which is why I'm so good at math, but can't learn a foreign language. It's why I can figure out the plot of almost any movie by the end of its first act, but have never been moved by a poem.

It's also why the Happiness Project has hit a snag. I started out at point A -- depression, then moved to point B -- action, then on to point C -- results. At point D I was to take these results and make them a permanent part of my life, which would have led to point E -- happiness. But somehow along the way I got turned around and found myself back at point A. I don't know how it happened. I don't know why it happened. I don't even know when it happened. But for some reason I wondered off of the track. And for the life of me I don't know how to get back.

I'm lost.