"I guess I have a lot of problems, so many that I don't have time to go into them all in detail. Suffice it to say I'm anal, obsessive, vain, quick to temper, overly introspective, lazy, judgmental, insecure, and self-righteous. Probably the most annoying thing about me is that I'm hugely opinionated. But I kind of make up for that by always being right."


Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Day 23: Lick Sex Crotch Tit

My best friend, Dave, who not only convinced me to do this blog, but actually set it up for me, recently informed me that some people wind up here by mistake, so to speak. What happens it that they'll do a search for something like "oral sex," or random words like "spank" and "naughty." And because those words appear somewhere (though not necessarily together) in my ramblings here, this site will pop up as one of their perverted choices. Sure they're disappointed when they get here, but who knows, maybe some of them actually give it a try and wind up liking it. God knows, the Church Of Rick is always looking for new converts.

So in an effort to woo more of our sick brothers and sisters into the fold, I've put together the following entry for my Happiness diary.

Today I got very sweaty working out on one of those big balls my trainer had me buy. At first I had trouble filling the damned thing up. I would blow and blow and blow even harder, but the air would just spurt back into my face because I couldn't poke that hard nipple into the slippery hole. Yoga isn't going very well for me, either. Crouching on my hands and knees like a little doggie just isn't my style. And I suck at it. Sure, I can stick my ass up in the air a little, but I can't get it up as high as my instructor wants. I'm telling you, this woman is hard on me. I'm surprised she doesn't carry a whip. But at least my diet is going well. I'm eating a lot of chicken - big breasts that are so moist I sometimes suck the hot meat right off of the bone.

And now that I've got your attention.....