"I guess I have a lot of problems, so many that I don't have time to go into them all in detail. Suffice it to say I'm anal, obsessive, vain, quick to temper, overly introspective, lazy, judgmental, insecure, and self-righteous. Probably the most annoying thing about me is that I'm hugely opinionated. But I kind of make up for that by always being right."

Friday, June 23, 2006

Day 18: The Root Of All Anxiety

I'm having some money problems. Because I stopped performing my one-man show, and because before that I went three years without working (due to depression), and because women seem reluctant to pay to have sex with 54-year-old fat, bald men, I have all but exhausted my savings. I do have some money in a retirement fund, but there's a 30% penalty for taking it out early, so I'm extremely reluctant to do so.

Things have been so bad, in fact, that last year I was forced to sell my much beloved record collection. The deal was structured in such a way, though, that I wasn't actually to be paid until August of this year. So I'm going to have to try and drive through July on what fumes are left in my bank account.

The reason I bring this up here -- besides a sick desire to have people feel sorry for me -- is that I haven't been able to afford some of the trainers I had planned to use, or classes I had planned to take as part of the Happiness Project.

My friends tell me to just put it all on my credit card. But that would mean I wouldn't be able to pay the card off next month. I've never not paid off my credit card. So what do I do -- put off becoming truly happy for the first time in my life, or send my anxiety level soaring to new heights?

God what I'd give right now for a Three Musketeers.