"I guess I have a lot of problems, so many that I don't have time to go into them all in detail. Suffice it to say I'm anal, obsessive, vain, quick to temper, overly introspective, lazy, judgmental, insecure, and self-righteous. Probably the most annoying thing about me is that I'm hugely opinionated. But I kind of make up for that by always being right."

Saturday, June 17, 2006

Day 12: Meditate On This

It's been pointed out that I'm spending all of my time trying to improve my physical condition, and none improving my mental condition. Which begs the question, "How do you improve your mental condition?"

I'm overweight, so I'm seeing a nutritionist and completely changing the way I eat. I'm out of shape, so I've started walking or hiking every day. And I've hired a personal trainer to help whip my muscles into shape. Those things seem obvious.

I'm also taking yoga, though, which I hope will help me both physically and mentally. For one thing, I seriously need to slow down my mind, which is racing -- seemingly out of my control -- every waking minute of the day. This is also why I'm trying to learn how to meditate. So far, though, I'm not very good at it. Here's an example of what goes on in my mind as I try to meditate:

"Okay, I'm thinking about nothing... But I'm still thinking, right? Only now it's about the nature of nothingness. Maybe what I should be doing is trying to not think at all. Okay, let's try that... Not thinking, not thinking, not thinking. Not working. Is this even possible? The very thing I'm trying to shut down is the thing I'm using to convince myself to shut itself down. Is that even possible? Okay, how about picturing a small creek? That's good, yeah. It's a warm summer day, and I can hear the gentle flow of the water. Nice. I can even hear trout splashing in the water. Wait a minute. Those aren't trout. Oh my god, it's two naked women bathing each other! Now they're beckoning me over to them... Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!... What about that breathing thing? Concentrate on your breath. Breathe in through the nose. "Nose" is a funny word. Not as funny as "schnozzola" though. I wonder how long ago Jimmy Durante died? And I remember someone saying to aim your breath at the back of your throat. What's the difference, though? It all ends up in your lungs anyway. And breathe from the diaphragm. I wonder if some women are still using the diaphragm. What a hassle those things were. "God, I'm horny! Let's stop for a few minutes while you pop in your rubber yarmulke." And do I breath out through my nose or my mouth? Could it really make that much of a difference? Who makes up this shit? Is there any scientific research suggesting one way is more effective than another...etc....etc...etc...."