"I guess I have a lot of problems, so many that I don't have time to go into them all in detail. Suffice it to say I'm anal, obsessive, vain, quick to temper, overly introspective, lazy, judgmental, insecure, and self-righteous. Probably the most annoying thing about me is that I'm hugely opinionated. But I kind of make up for that by always being right."


Monday, May 22, 2006

That's Entertainment!

I haven’t written anything for this blog in awhile because I’ve been really depressed. I think most people can trace their depressions to specific events in their lives –- the death of a loved one, breaking up with a lover, being caught diddling themselves in church (trust me, the less times you have to say, “Forgive me, Father, for I am masturbating,” the better.)

Unfortunately, I can get depressed for no reason whatsoever. One minute I’ll be sitting down to a delicious meal of pecan pie, Oreo Double Stuffs, and chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream, and the next minute I’ll be woe-is-meing it on the couch, watching some horrible titty movie on Showtime.

By the way, can anybody out there tell me why softcore porn movies have story lines? Does anybody watch these things for anything other than the sex scenes? Really, if you find yourself caught up in the plot of “Naughty Cheerleaders,” you’ve got some serious problems. Also, there’s nothing more frustrating than having an orgasm ruined by a sudden cut from a scene in which two coeds are caressing each other in the shower to a scene in which no coeds are caressing each other in the shower.

In fact, if you really want to give people what they want (and by “people” I mean horny bastards like me), make a movie called “Showering Coeds” –- a parade of sexy girls lathering up in some college dormitory shower.

Now that makes me happy.