"I guess I have a lot of problems, so many that I don't have time to go into them all in detail. Suffice it to say I'm anal, obsessive, vain, quick to temper, overly introspective, lazy, judgmental, insecure, and self-righteous. Probably the most annoying thing about me is that I'm hugely opinionated. But I kind of make up for that by always being right."


Wednesday, May 10, 2006

A Bit of the Old Ultraviolet

I’ve never been good looking. When I was a kid, I had thick glasses which made me look like a dork. In high school I got contact lenses, but about the same time, broke out in really bad acne. After college, my acne started to go away, but so did my hair. I later had a series of hair transplants, but gained about 40 pounds over the course of the treatments. In other words, I’ve never had one good year. Not one year in which I looked kind of handsome.

I fretted most over my looks in high school. My acne was so bad back then, I wouldn’t even look in a mirror –- except to engage in the time-honored tradition of zit popping. If zit popping and masturbation were Olympic events, I would have become the new Tarzan.

This is all a very long-winded way of telling you that the sun has finally arrived in northern California, and that I’m loving it. I’ve had this love affair with the sun ever since I discovered that it had the power to bake away my acne. Lying along the shores of the Sandy River, I could actually feel the intense heat shrinking the pimples that dotted my face.

Today I still love lying in the sun –- and I do so without using any sunscreen. To those of you who would say I’m in danger of developing skin cancer, I say, “Get off my face!!”

Unless, of course, you are an attractive woman, and then, by all means, welcome.