"I guess I have a lot of problems, so many that I don't have time to go into them all in detail. Suffice it to say I'm anal, obsessive, vain, quick to temper, overly introspective, lazy, judgmental, insecure, and self-righteous. Probably the most annoying thing about me is that I'm hugely opinionated. But I kind of make up for that by always being right."

Friday, April 07, 2006

Thou Shalt Not Be Boring

What I remember most about going to church when I was a kid is how boring it was. Which is odd, considering the source material. I mean, think about it, you’ve got burning bushes that talk, floods, wars, zombies, miracles, sodomy. Have you ever read the Bible? Well, I have, and I’ll tell you, it’s like one of those old serials, moving from one cliff-hanger to the next: “Is this the end for Jesus?! Join us next week to see if our hero can escape ‘The Brutal Crucifixion!’”

Don’t get me wrong, I love the teachings of Jesus. I love the Golden Rule and the Psalms. I actually love the Bible. I do. It’s a great book. I also love all of those old Biblical epics that were made in the fifties and sixties. Remember those? Charlton Heston as Moses, standing on the mountaintop, clutching his staff, screaming, “If you want this you’ll have to pry it from my cold, dead hands!”