"I guess I have a lot of problems, so many that I don't have time to go into them all in detail. Suffice it to say I'm anal, obsessive, vain, quick to temper, overly introspective, lazy, judgmental, insecure, and self-righteous. Probably the most annoying thing about me is that I'm hugely opinionated. But I kind of make up for that by always being right."


Friday, January 13, 2006

Discounting My Blessings

Have you ever noticed how you'll give advice that you don't seem to be able to follow yourself? I do this all the time. For example, I'm always telling my friends to count their blessings (assuming I'm at the top of their lists, of course). And yet, there is much in my life that I take for granted every day.

First, there are my boys, Cooper and Jack. Some day they'll be grown and gone. But right now they're here. We can play football and watch movies and have tickle fights. I can tuck them in at night and kiss them in the morning (before they have the strength to fight me off, of course). And though I know the day will come that I'd give anything to go back to what I have right now, I just can't seem to relish the present as much as I should. Clearly, this is something I should work on.

I have good friends. They go out of their way to help me, and to comfort me when I need it (which is all the time). And though they won't rub my feet or have sex with me (bitches and bastards!) they do hold me up to a higher standard than I would hold myself up to if they were not in my life. And how do I reward them for this? By giving them the gift of selflessness. By being a friend in deed.

I am not ugly. I'm not handsome, either, but as a guy I can kind of make up for that by being powerful or having lots of money. And though I'm not powerful and don't have lots of money, there's at least a chance that some day I might.

One of my biggest blessings is that I'm delusional. For example, I think there's a chance that some day I might be powerful or have lots of money. There's actually a lot to be said for being delusional. I'm 54, but I think I look 40. I have a big nose, but I think that adds character to my face. I have a small penis, but I think size doesn't matter. I even post articles on my blog that I think somebody might actually read.