"I guess I have a lot of problems, so many that I don't have time to go into them all in detail. Suffice it to say I'm anal, obsessive, vain, quick to temper, overly introspective, lazy, judgmental, insecure, and self-righteous. Probably the most annoying thing about me is that I'm hugely opinionated. But I kind of make up for that by always being right."


Monday, December 19, 2005

This Is Not an Epiphany

I have lots of problems. I'm trite, self-righteous, depressive. One of the more embarrassing is that I tend to get really excited about insights I've had that apparently aren't all that insightful.

I was talking to a friend of mine recently about how much I love Raisin Bran, and I mentioned that I've never had less than, I'd say, ten boxes of raisin bran in my cupboards at any one time. I don't know why this is, but whenever I go to the store and Raisin Bran is on sale for, like, half price or less, I have to buy some. It doesn't matter how many boxes I already have at home. For some reason, I'm overcome with this fear that this could be the last week that Raisin Bran will ever be on sale again. I sometimes have over 20 boxes at home.

Anyway, at one point in this conversation a light bulb goes off in my head, and I say, "Hey, you know what, I bet the word "cupboard" comes from a board on which they used to put cups. It's a cup-board. Get it?"

Well, this guy, who's a good friend of mine, literally looks at me like I'm retarded, and says, "Yeah, Rick. Everybody pretty much got that by the time they were in the third grade."

Unfortunately, this happens to me a lot. The "apparently obvious" holds endless fascination me, as these excerpts from conversations I've had recently will show.

ME: "Do you realize that we're all going to die? That one day our memories will just disappear, and we'll stop seeing, and feeling and thinking, forever?!!!

FRIEND: "Yeah... What's your point?"

ME: "Think about it. We're all standing on a rock that's spinning in circles as it hurtles around a gigantic ball of fire!!!

FRIEND: "Duh!"

ME: "I can't believe it. The Beatles appeared on 'Ed Sullivan' 40 years ago!!!"

FRIEND: "Really? ...Seems like longer."