"I guess I have a lot of problems, so many that I don't have time to go into them all in detail. Suffice it to say I'm anal, obsessive, vain, quick to temper, overly introspective, lazy, judgmental, insecure, and self-righteous. Probably the most annoying thing about me is that I'm hugely opinionated. But I kind of make up for that by always being right."

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

'Merry Christmas' vs. 'Happy Holidays'

The Fundamentalist Unrelenting Christian Kooks are at it again. This past week FUCK announced a boycott of retailers who refuse to use the word "Christmas" in their advertising, opting, instead, for the more inclusive phrase, "Holiday Season." Angry FUCK officials are demanding that these stores "put Christ back into consumerism," and have threatened to order their members to do this year's shopping at "real Christian stores" such as KKK-Mart, or their own internet retail store, ChristOnaStick.com.

"The word 'holiday' is a slap in the Lord's face," says FUCK president Hugh Grimwald. "First the devil came up with the idea of calling it 'Xmas,' now this. Next thing you know they'll want to call it 'Pigshit Day.'"

As a compromise, some retail chains have begun running ads for "huge, end-of-the-year Crutchmas sales." Personally, I think all of this is just silly. If you want Christ to be a part of your holiday, make him part of it. But if I'm not mistaken, Jesus was about love and tolerance, not threats and anger. Maybe these people should start acting on their beliefs, instead of shoving them down other people's throats.

As for me, I'm decorating my house, buying my kids tons of presents, and singing lots of holiday classics, including my favorite, "I'm Dreaming of a White Pigshit Day."