"I guess I have a lot of problems, so many that I don't have time to go into them all in detail. Suffice it to say I'm anal, obsessive, vain, quick to temper, overly introspective, lazy, judgmental, insecure, and self-righteous. Probably the most annoying thing about me is that I'm hugely opinionated. But I kind of make up for that by always being right."


Monday, October 03, 2005

Man's Bloodthirstiest Friend

Here in California there has been a rash of pit bull attacks. And though my heart goes out to the victims of these unfortunate accidents, I urge restraint to those who would outlaw this loving breed of animal. Mine may be only one story, but I'm sure it represents countless others -- stories of ordinary people like me, who love their devoted pit bulls the way I loved my cherished Gouger.

Gouger came to our family in my twelfth year, and I have to say, he fit right in. He even got along with our cat, Fluffy... until that time she got a little too close to his food bowl. But even after that, he refused to let go of their bond, using her as a play toy until she just got too gamy. And it didn't end there. Overcome by his loss, he would dig her up from time to time and roll around in her grave, just to keep her memory alive.

He gave so much to our family. Just ask my brother, Mike, who used the scars on his neck to break the ice with many a sultry barfly. If you ask me, three weeks in the hospital, a series of shots in the stomach and 17 transfusions is a small price to pay for love.

Is it Gouger's fault that he was bred to fight? Is it his fault that whenever I yelled, "Fetch," or "Sit," or "Roll over," all he heard was, "Kill!!?" Does anybody even stop to consider that maybe some of the blame lies with the people who were "attacked?" Did they look directly into the dog's eyes, a surefire threat to any proud pit bull? Did they try to pet the animal, offering a plump, succulent arm to this natural predator? Did they fail to build a ten-foot high fence around their yard?

All I'm saying is let's not rush to judgment. After all, who's to say you can't be a bloodthirsty killer and man's best friend at the same time?