Nick and Jessica vs. America the Beautiful

The NFL wanted to kick off the new season with a touching tribute to the victims of Hurricane Katrina. And what better way to do it than with a rousing rendition of "America the Beautiful?" So, who would they call in to do the honors -- Aaron Neville, perhaps, or that other favorite son of New Orleans, Harry Connick, Jr.? No. They decided the perfect performers to capture the emotion of this terrible tragedy would be Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey.

Oddly, though, as the couple belted out the song -- in their Whitney houston/Backstreet Boys embarrassingly over-stylized vocals -- nobody in the staduim seemed all that moved. Not even the New Orleans Saints, who couldn't stop crying until the couple took the stage.

To me, this perfectly illustrates the difference between good singers and bad singers. Good singers bring out the natural beauty of the words, imbuing them with real emotion. Bad singers do what Nick and Jessica do. They show off.

In their defense, though, I will say they looked good. In that Barbie-and-Ken-you'd-like-to-squeeze-a-tube-of-airplane-glue-all-over-their-genital-less-bodies-and-set-them-on-fire kind of way.