Heaven

Name something you like. I bet it’s not in heaven. Sex? Sorry, lust is a sin. Can’t have it. Your career? Nope. There’s no money in heaven; nobody needs to work. Besides, as far as I can tell from studying the scriptures, all you do in heaven is pretty much just sit around all day and praise the Lord. I don’t know about you, but I think that after the first, oh, I don’t know, 50,000,000 years of that I’d start to get a little bored. You like sports? Sorry, no competition allowed. Can’t have losers in heaven. Besides, no one is physically superior to anybody else in heaven. That’s not fair!

And who gets into heaven? I’m assuming that all of the people prior to the writing of the Bible have a free pass, right? They can’t be held accountable for not believing in something that hadn’t been invented yet. So, apparently there’ll be a lot of Neanderthals in heaven. As if the Republicans didn’t have enough of an advantage already.